I am a self-satisfied, arrogant ass.

And I am damned proud of that.

I don't know if I'm back or if I've left for good. We'll see on how far this idea of making myself a website goes. Deviantart seems to have finished its time for me. Time to move on to something else.

I am so sick of all this God shit.

Give me a break, humanity. You're spreading your religions around like bad STDs.
Some of us would prefer to live our lives uninfected.

If it's not someone trying to blow me up on an airplane, it's some kid saying they never loved you because you weren't of their 'faith'.

Ugh.

Then please, do us all a favour and leave. There's the little back button in your browser, or the little red x in the top right corner if you're feeling bold.

I'm getting rather irritated with being told a hundred times that 'it's okay to use references'. I don't believe I ever said there was something horribly wrong with them, I just said that I personally do not like them.

If it continues for much longer, I'll probably just do what I've been meaning to do for weeks now, and leave deviantart. Would that make you happy? You'd be rid of over-dramatic, whiny, bitchy, immature me.

If Alexuiss is "entitled" or "allowed" to blow up over negative feebback, then so the fuck am I.

I'm just glad I'm not a complete art failure, otherwise this would have gone a lot differently. Looks like I've learned my lesson, don't say anything bad about anyone's art. If you don't like something, keep it to yourself, unless the population of people disliking something overrides the population liking something. Stick with the majority and you'll always be fine. You'll be safe. Safe and predictable and boring.

And if you're reading this Alexiuss, holy crap, find something else to do. I believe I said I'd leave you alone on my comment on your page before you had to go and post that rediculous journal, so can you please do the same for me?

Remember kids, GO WITH THE FLOW. Don't try to swim upstream! There's nothing there but clear streams and untamed wilderness. Why go there when you could be in the ocean with EVERYONE ELSE?

To quote a wise man:

Right. Hand. Assimilate.

I am so amused.

xD

No, not my fans, don't be stupid. Invisibles can't post visible comments.

I posted a comment on [link] because I could not understand why his digital work was of a much higher caliber than his traditional work. I figured it out, needless to say, and now I'll probably get thousands of angry fans descending on me in droves because I dared to insult one of the most popular artists on DA.

To make a long story short, he's a matte painter, which means that, in my opinion, he traces photos. He challenged me to take a photo of a street and turn it into one of his paintings. Maybe I'll do it just to prove myself; save my ego or something. But I don't see any point. Why would I bother taking a picture of a street and photomanipulating it, when I could simply create a street from scratch. I have to say, I believe that painting without tracing takes a lot more skill.

It's probably all because of how irritated I am at the kids in my art school. All they do is find pictures on the internet and in magazines, and then reproduce them. They're just recycling the same images over and over. Regurgitating what's already been digested to give the public a chance to taste it again.

I don't quite understand why it bothers me to the point of infuriation, but it's probably because I'm jealous of their attention. People love to see the same thing over and over again; humans love repetition to the point of obscenity. I try to create new things, and I don't recycle what's already existing to do it. I create things solely out of my head, and it's gotten to the point where I feel /guilty/ if I even use a reference picture. Oh no, that would be becoming like /them/. I should probably use them, there's no real harm in it anyways. I'm not painting the photograph, I'm just... learning what leaves look like or something.

I realized the true root of my art angst a few days ago. I've been trying to figure it out for quite some time now. It's part of the very reason I do art. Why do you do it? Ask yourself. Is it just to learn? To capture some of the beauty in the world? Self-expression? To put down in the physical world what your mind already sees? I'm the last one. The only reason I draw and paint is because I have things I want to share with you. /You/ are the viewer. I'm not doing this because I like pretty pictures, I'm doing it so that you can see what I've seen a thousand times.

It's not so much about my personal wants as I might let on. Oh, you know, the "I'd die if I couldn't do art" stuff. In a way, though, I would. My purpose is to try and show people what I see when I close my eyes. I'm doing it for you, that's why I started. And now you've lost interest. You don't care what I'm doing. You just want to see the same earth-bound stuff over and over and over and over. Why don't you want to see what I've made? Is it not good enough yet? I'm getting better, I promise. I look at things every day to try and improve my skills. I draw, I fill sketchbooks so I can better create things. Honest, I'm trying my hardest. Please give me a chance? Please?

I also came to understand why you might not like my work. Rowan contributed that it might be because you don't know how to appreciate it. You can't understand it because you're not me. I also noticed that my work might.. confuse people because of its mixed messages. I mean, look at my people. They can be quite creepy sometimes. Arrensorre with his rolled-back eyes, my fish people and their skinny and warped limbs, Tritium's toothy grin. But the thing is... they're not. They're not scary in the least. And you don't expect that. I wouldn't want to come across Arrensorre in a dark alleyway. But that's where you expect to see him. You expect him to be in a frightening situation, something terrible. But my characters are all at peace. They're out there in the bright lights protecting things. They're... nice, they just don't look it. Don't you like nice people? You don't really want to be scared by them...

I don't know.

It just makes me want to give up on art. I'm supposed to draw for myself, but honestly, I already have all of these images in my head. What difference does it make what plane they're on? I still see them. I make them physical so that /you/ can see them.

But no one really cares, do they? You can beg and protest, but in the end, I'll just slip below the radar. A tiny blip, and then...

...nothing.